Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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