u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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