the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize