sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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