i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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