That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
She needs sedatives and a leash
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
