You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
