Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
