I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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