I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
