If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
