OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
my shit smells like andre
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize