What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
