hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Randomize
