any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
