my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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