im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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