I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Randomize