so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
