the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
