I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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