just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
