Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
