3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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