Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
