The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize