is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
