Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Randomize
