I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
