I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize