I seem to have left my pride at pride
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
