I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
