you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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