So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
