I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
