You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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