Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
