I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
