Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
