you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize