Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize