dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
