So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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