...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize