HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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