I CAN MOONWALK!
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
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