if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
