would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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