I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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