I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I need to sanitize my soul.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
