I'm gonna have a badass scar
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
