You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
