I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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