The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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