I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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