that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
