used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
