; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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