I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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