Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
love makes seman taste better
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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