the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
