i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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