69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You dont lie about slip and slides
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Randomize
